Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Difficult Days

     Finding focus and purpose after losing a child takes time and much internal hard work.  Some days will present more of a challenge than others.  When I was having a dark day, I just went with it and mourned.  I thought I needed time to grieve.  Usually, the next day was better.  As far as responsibilities, I had to give myself permission to do just what had to be done and nothing extra.  I found I had to postpone, order take-out, do just one load of laundry or ask for help at work.  People often want to help, but don't know how unless we tell them.
     Days like yesterday after the Boston Marathon bombing and, of course,  after the Newtown, Connecticut shootings are difficult.  Terrible memories, sometimes buried for a long time, rise to the surface and bring pain and associations.  Connecticut was hard for me as my son died of a gunshot wound.
     What to do?  Well, first on my list is prayer for the victims, especially the children and their parents.  Second, I try to accept there is evil in this world.  I resolve to do whatever I can to make my small piece of the world a kind, loving and peaceful place.  This takes strength to not be bitter and angry.  Trying to live again after losing a child takes all the courage and strength you can find within yourself.    No one wants to be around a bitter, angry person no matter the reason or how justified.  Third, I limit the amount of news coverage of these events I watch.  They only bring more pain.  And last, I find a way to distract myself.  Like now. I am writing to you which helps me.  Someone else may find exercise or getting out and taking a walk helps.  Calling a good friend or another parent or person in a bereavement support group helps too.  One of my best friends now is a woman I met in my bereavement support group.  A few minutes of meditation, scripture reading or listening to music may also be good.
     I would like to hear your thoughts on anything that has helped you.