Monday, April 15, 2013

No Manual for Grief

Thank you to all the people in the USA and other countries who are reading my blog.  I hope what I say can help you on this difficult journey of coming out of the depths of despair after losing a  child.  We are none of us where we wanted to be in life.
Remember on this road that grief is as individual as fingerprints.  There is no right way, timetable or manual.  Sometimes, it is just a matter of following your own heart and doing what you feel is right.  There are situations which are difficult to handle.

Going to Church:   It seems to be common after the death of a child, parents cannot go to church without crying throughout the service.  This happened to me.  To spare myself this embarrassment, I would get up early on Sunday mornings to watch Mass (I am catholic)  on television.  There in privacy, I could pray and mourn.  Also, I could go to other churches, just not my own, with a close friend and be all right.  This went on for many months until I could finally go back to my own church.

Social Gatherings:  So much had happened to me with my cancer and the deaths of both my son and husband, I felt like Mary Lincoln.  Like everyone was staring at me and waiting for me to go mad.  I avoided large gatherings for a year or more.  I only saw family and friends in small groups.

Funerals:  To this day,  I cannot go to funerals alone.  I have to go with someone close to me who understands what I have been through.  I need that support.

Weddings:  They are the same.  I have to go with someone close to me.  Too many thoughts of what might have been.  

These are the things in life we face.  Ordinary things require a decision, worry, planning and forcing ourselves to do something we may not really want to do.  In time, though, it gets easier.  If you have a dark day just go with it and mourn.  This helps and the next day gets better.  If you are continually in dark days and can't seem to do anything, then I would recommend seeing a grief counselor.  I had to see one and I was also in a bereavement support group.  
Peace and God bless.  Pray for me and I will pray for you.


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