In my quiet time on Mother's Day, I found myself ruminating about the young woman who was involved with my son's shooting and death. To this day, I don't know to what extent or in what capacity. I only know she was there, lied to the police about her relationship with Chris and has strong family political connections. She and Chris had broken up. Why he was there seeing her that evening, I don't know. Without going into all the investigative details, she gave a lot of conflicting information and behaved strangely.
Anyway, I started to send her a copy of my blog, "Remembering Chris." I decided against that and wrote her an email instead. I told her what I thought of her and the situation. I wanted to ruin her Mother's Day. In the end, I didn't send either. I thought, I am bigger than that. I have worked very hard to get this far. If I communicated to her with negative motivation and for revenge, then the ball would be in her court. This is not what I want.
I don't want to remember her or wait to hear from her. I don't want to focus on the tragedy. I want to focus on my son's life and not his death. To this end, what has brought me the most peace was dedicating my first book to him. It was a positive way to memorialize him and commemorate his life.
Life is meant to be lived. In my book, Chris lives on in spirit in a wonderful way.
If I had any advice, it would be to commemorate your son or daughter in a positive way, preferably away from the death scene. A plaque, a bench, a tree at a place of worship, park, school or workplace; a poem or artwork you have framed; a run or a foundation, charity or scholarship if you are able. Your son or daughter's spirit, the good memories and his or her accomplishments can live on.
Not sending the blog or email made me feel better than the revenge I had in mind. I think it is more what Chris would want. I would appreciate knowing what you think and feel about what I have said. Please comment, too, if you have found anything you may have done helpful or unhelpful.