It is not necessarily so that justice delayed is justice denied. Look at John Walsh of America's Most Wanted fame. His son Adam was murdered and it took 28 years to find and bring his killer to justice. But during that time, Mr. Walsh went on and did a lot of good for many, many families-- especially children.
And so I have found my self angry and waiting for justice, but finally for the first time tonight able to cry about the unfairness of Chris being denied a proper investigation and truth. I have also become aware in the last week of a softer more compassionate core to myself. I always felt this was curiously lacking considering all I had been through. I learned as the layers of anger get more stripped away I will be able to be more in touch with this gentler inner core.
Now I realize I will have to put finding justice on the "back burner" for now and not make it the focus of my life. There are just too many factors that are beyond my control in the situation for me to go on feeling I can fix it. This does not mean that I cannot still have hope some outside force will come about to bring the truth to light. You never know as in the case of Adam Walsh. It's just that I must give up feeling responsible for making everything right.
That feeling of aloneness in my responsibility was fueling my anger and frustration. Then in order not to "implode" I kept eating to stifle my feelings of anger and helplessness. This made me feel numb, but out of control in a different sense. Quite a vicious cycle. Maybe this is something you can relate to, if not with food, another substance.
It's just not possible for me to bring about temporal justice at this time. I have explored many options. Talked to many experts and gotten many opinions. It cannot be done by me at this time.
Of course I have faith in divine justice and I also have faith in divine intervention. I will continue to pray daily for truth and justice for Chris. I will also continue to pray that those involved will find God's grace in their hearts to make peace with Him and the law. This is what I can do. This must be my focus along with seeing what good I can do and improving my health.