How can the loss of a child not absorb or rule your life even though it is always with you? Feelings of loss can come up in the most unexpected times and places. I will give you an example.
A picture posted on Facebook moved me to tears today. I don't know if I am missing my son Chris, my husband Fred, my dog Amber or Ibiza. Maybe all of the above. Anyway, someone had been away from his or her dog for five months and then skyped with the dog. After the disconnection, the dog fell asleep in front of the computer screen with its head resting on the keypad. How that dog must love that person. And how great the sense of loss to want to hold onto that connection in any way possible.
Perhaps in our circumstances, you and I are much the same in missing our children. Holding on to memories of events, the sound of his or her voice or appearance, not touching anything in your child's room. Looking at pictures or videos over and over. Wishing for just one more day, conversation or encounter. Or always avoiding doing any of these things-- not even being able to go in your child's bedroom because of the pain caused.
You and I will forever have an undercurrent of sadness. I suppose this is what made me cry at this picture of love and loss. It was just so touching. I have it posted on my timeline on my Facebook page, Rosemarie Kaupp or go to www.rosemariekaupp.com/ Perhaps I needed to cry as a catharsis. I feel very mournful, though. I want to hide in the darkness of my closet and do nothing.
Yet, you and I must fight our way back. Fighting tears, numbness, anger and giving up on living. For me it is a repeated decision to choose not to let loss and tragedy destroy me. I have made suggestions in these blogs which I hope you have found helpful. With faith, help, support and therapy it is possible to have a life and go on living. It will never be the same life as before the loss of your child, but it can be a decent and productive life. Please work to fight your way back. It is work and a very tough fight, but together you and I can go on.