Sunday, August 25, 2013

A Room Within Yourself

     Is it possible to put your grief in a little room within yourself?  I say it's worth a try.

     Today on EWTN, Pope Francis told the story of St. Catherine of Sienna, a nun and the patron saint of nurses.  The Pope talked about how when her parents destroyed her room for refusing to marry, St. Catherine created a little room within herself where she kept God.  The Holy Father challenged the viewers to do the same with their own spirituality.

     I decided to challenge myself to create my own little room within me.  In it I placed all my grief over the unknowns surrounding Chris' death and my hope for truth and justice.  In my special room, I turned this all over to God for His care.

     I believe with God's power, we are not powerless to control what is within us.  When you are with God, it matters not who and what is against you.  I hope you will try to do this with your own grief.  In this special room, you can visit your grief and tell all your heartaches to God.  Then your grief doesn't have to permeate your whole life.  You can do other things while your grief and issues are under God's protection and care.  I credit my own faith for bringing me this far in the grieving process and for recent blessings.

Peace and love,


P.S.  Many thanks for your prayers and good wishes.  My book signing was very successful.  RK


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Good Things Still Happen

     "... you can vanquish your demons only when you yourself are convinced of your own worth."  ----  Author Adeline Yen Mah in Chinese Cinderella.

     I have a sense of unreality today as things are going well.  I am so blessed with the recent success of my books.  I received a beautiful gift of a framed newspaper article about my life story and my motivation for writing my books in preparation for my Book Signing.  How fortunate I am to have such good friends.  Of course, I wish Chris and Fred were here to share this joy, but I know they are with me in spirit.

    I want to emphasize to everyone reading this that you can have good things happen and joy in your life again.  As I have said before, you are more than a bereaved parent.  You will always have grief over the loss of your child, but you cannot let it define you.  Your grief has to become integrated into your life so it is no longer your sole focus. You deserve to have a life again and to feel pleasure again.

    I am fortunate that I found purpose in my books.  Something creative is often a good outlet to deal with loss particularly if what you do commemorates your child's life.  My outlet is writing, but yours can be drawing, painting, quilting, photography, scrap booking  or gardening.  Maybe something you did a long time ago and can pick up again.  I really urge you to try something.

    There has been no response from the police chief or Crime Tips.  No surprise, but no matter.  I will push on in a positive vein to memorialize Chris' life as I hope and pray for justice.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Action, Fear and Faith

     I mailed my last blog, An Appeal to Law Enforcement, to the police chief in the Pennsylvania township where my son was killed.  I also summarized all the salient facts pointing to evidence his death was not a suicide. I submitted them to the same township's Crime Tips.  I asked for justice finally for Chris and asked that his case be re-examined.  I felt I owed one more try to Chris.
     Trying to deal with the anger I feel over the injustice of Chris' situation was giving me tremendous headaches.  Since doing the above, the headaches have improved.  If I get no response, I am no worse off.  At least I tried.  And in a sense, no response will support my suspicions about the political corruption existing in this town.  I have to admit, I feel somewhat fearful and apprehensive.   I am afraid if the politically connected father of the young woman involved is informed, he will try to retaliate against me.  Meanwhile, I will wait, hope and pray.
     I will pray to accept what is and focus on what is positive in my life.  You have to take steps to protect your health.  You are still allowed to live and enjoy life.  As such, I am trying to bask in the successes my books are having and my upcoming book signing event.  Trying to work on acceptance and integrate this with my present life is proving to be a struggle.  But, one I must get through.  I have faith I can do this and hope one day Chris will get justice.  If you think of it, pray for me.  I will pray for you daily.  God bless.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

An Appeal to Law Enforcement

     "Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles no one knows about."                                                      Author Unknown

     How true for those of us who have lost children.  Especially in cases of a traumatic death when there is no resolution and no one person, product or event is held accountable.  Everyone's circumstances are different, but often there are common threads.

     I would like to make a personal appeal based on my circumstance and to which, I'm sure, many of you can relate.  I am asking law enforcement officers, district attorneys, medical examiners and EMT'S to not casually brush off families' questions and concerns.  Decisions which seem trivial or insignificant, or even knowingly wrong to you, result in a lifetime of anxiety and anger, even mental torment, for a parents who have lost children.

     Let me give you two examples.  The detective investigating my son's death refused to do a gunshot residue test on the young woman who was there with Chris.  He cited their inaccuracy.  More likely her father's political connections influenced this.  And the medical examiner called me the day after Chris died.  I was still in shock and wrestling with the question of how I was going to tell my very ill husband, who was in a nursing home, that our son had died.  He asked me if I wanted Chris' clothes sent home.  All I could think of was these blood saturated garments which was more than I could bear looking at.  He offered to burn them and I stupidly agreed.  Later I found out he had no permission from the police to do this and as such had destroyed evidence.  Again her father's influence.

     What I am saying to all those in the criminal justice system, what seems minor to you, for whatever motivation, can result in a lifetime of unanswered questions and mental torment for parents and families.  I hope this is something which those of you who have this decision making power will be aware.  I don't want one more parent to go through what I have been through.