Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Bereavement During Illness and Pain

     This season is usually a difficult time of remembrance for me. My son, Chris, died on September 24th followed by the death of my husband, Fred, six weeks later on November 2nd. Then the holidays fast approach. We "should" have feelings of anticipation and joy, not feelings of dread and the loss of someone and something missing. 

     Usually I win the battle of melancholy this time of year by focusing on my blessings and keeping busy on the the people I love who remain. Doing as much as possible for them.

     However, this year has been a challenge due to illness, severe back pain for several months. It seems I have developed a cyst on my upper lumbar spine which is causing pressure, narrowing in the spinal column and a small herniated disc. The pain has been terrible and very inconvenient. It has necessitated three spinal epidural injections and strong pain medication.  Before I could get relief, I got into a very bad depression with some very dark thoughts. I needed counseling and medication.

     I have relied a great deal on prayer to get me through this dark time. Along with prayer I listened to relaxing music, talked to friends, sought professional counseling, stayed persistent with medical intervention and remembered my son and husband. I prayed to them to ask them to get "Mom" through in my moments of worst pain when I thought I couldn't bear it anymore. The pain pills weren't enough. 

     Somehow they did. The spirits of our loved ones are always with us. Watching over us. Taking care of us. I have decisions to make about treatment options. I am sure Chris and Fred will guide me and watch over me there too. 

     To all of you, Be Well! Peace and May You Find Your Own Joy and Blessed Season!