Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Coping on Mother's Day

To all mothers approaching this Mother's Day with an aching heart or even dread, I pray for some measure of peace and comfort for you and for myself.  I tried to analyze how would be the best way to handle this day.  I decided on trying to focus on good memories and a celebration of my son's life.  For me, going to the cemetery on Mother's Day would be focusing too much on loss rather than life.

However, each of you should do what feels right and what your heart tells you would get you through the day.  I divided the day into two parts, a private part and a public part.  The private part is doing something by yourself to feel better.  The public part is where you spend time with family and friends.  Where you may feel the need to put on a brave face.

The private time could be devoted to prayer, meditation, scripture reading, the rosary, a cup of tea, a warm bath or listening to music. You might also do journal writing or write a letter to your child about what he or she means to you. Pour out your feelings.  Cry if you feel like it.  Just touch and get out your emotions.

The public part is where you might celebrate your son or daughter's life with family and friends.  It's about including your child in the day's events for yourself. You could share your child's  favorite dessert or pizza with others and tell a story about him or her.  You could consider sharing a favorite prayer or song.  Or read a poem or something inspirational in his or her honor.  If you can't do it, then ask someone else to commemorate your child on this important day.  The idea is to celebrate life and good memories and not mourn loss just for a few hours.

I plan to go to an afternoon buffet with very good friends with whom I spend most of my holidays.  No doubt I will talk about my son, Chris, and try to find a dessert I know he would like and offer a toast.  Privately, I will listen to some guitar music as my son was an avid guitarist.  I can do that now.  For over year after Chris died, I was unable to listen to any music in my home.  A friend gave me a tape of my favorite hymn and I started there.

That's what it takes.  Patience, small steps and small gestures.  God bless.  I hope you all have the best day possible.

Peace and love to all.



stephanie mcbride said...


Thank for sharing so beautifully, so bravely and so thoughtfully about dealing with loss, and the unthinkable loss of a child. I wanted to share this with you:

Happy Mother's Day!

With Love and Admiration,

GrahamForeverInMyHeart said...

This will be my first Mother's Day since my son passed. In another week it will be the one year anniversary of that horrible day. I'm just planning to stay home and avoid everyone (I have no family where I live, it's just my husband and me).

It's interesting that you mention that you couldn't listen to music for a long time. My son was a gifted pianist and I can't bear to listen to most classical or jazz pieces. They remind me of what he'll never do again. It's good to know that someday I may be able to enjoy the music again.

rosemarie kaupp said...

Thank you for being an inspiration to me.


rosemarie kaupp said...

Dear Mother @Graham Forever in My Heart,

My sincere condolences to you and your husband on the loss of your wonderful and talented son. I support you in doing whatever feels right to you on Mother's day, especially so close to the first anniversary of your son's death. You are in early days yet, and darkness can and does descend. You are, though, making progress in that you are reaching out and verbalizing. Even if it does not seem so to you. The music will come in its own time when your emotions are not so raw. Be patient with and kind to yourself. You are not alone. I and others are here for you. I will think of you on Sunday.
Love, Rosemarie