It is good to cry, tap into your pain and pray in solitude to hear the Father's voice. I did this a few days ago. My prayer was, "Father, speak to me in the darkness." You can only stuff down your pain for so long before you have to acknowledge it, face it, and try to walk through it. Not to end it because that will not happen, but to dull it and learn to walk along beside it.
For me to do this, I have to take a spiritual approach. Recently, I visited Fatima, Portugal. Fatima is where Catholics believe the Blessed Mother Mary appeared to three peasant children around the time of World War I. Miracles of cures and healing have been attributed to Mary at Fatima so people visit there for all types of healing.
I went there to place my needs and intentions in Mary's hands. I found it such a place of peace, that one day I broke down and cried and could not stop. I needed to talk to the priest who accompanied our group on our tour. I realized how much I missed my son, Chris, and husband, Fred. Like I said, you can dull the pain, but not eliminate it entirely. Father recommended I read the books of Joyce Rupp, a Catholic nun, who writes inspirational books on pain, loss and darkness in one's life.
In Rupp's book, Praying Our Goodbyes, I read the chapter on the loss of a child. Very moving. Her words cover a lot of emotion with great understanding and very succinctly unlike a lot of other books. I was able to read it in a short time and get something out of it. I was moved to tears by the words of her prayer: "He (she) can never be replaced. We search for inner peace, and strain for the acceptance of this reality.... We hurt with the heartache of our loss. Help us to believe the sorrow will lessen as the days go on..."
You may feel too angry at God to pray. I understand this. I, too at times, have felt anger. And I have felt too tired, too distraught and too hopeless to pray. I have found when I tell God how I feel and have a frank discussion with Him, I can move past the emotion to prayer.
I will pray and hope you find your way to touching some spiritual comfort. Even if you only say, "God, take this pain away," or "God, help me get through this." That is enough of a prayer. Even if you have never prayed, you can pray now with just one sentence telling God what you need.
My prayer for you is "May you find some comfort today."