The Flame Within

         It is a beautiful Fall day in Bucks County PA even though it is brisk and windy. I would like to be out walking, but neck and back problems preclude my walking very much these days. Makes me miss my son, Chris, who was always very perceptive. He would no doubt have something philosophic to say to lift my spirits about my situation. And walk the dog if she were still around.

        That being said, I do have something or someone to share with you. After being alone for 17 years, I now have a wonderful gentleman friend in my life who has been a tremendous support to me in many ways, especially emotionally. Like me, he lost his wife of many years after taking care of her for a prolonged illness. He has six children and numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren. This relationship is wrapping me in warmth and family again.

        No one can ever replace Chris or Fred or be my own grandchildren. However, I am not isolated. Isolation is the nemesis of grief. You have read this here before. Do NOT isolate yourself. I am not saying get on a dating service and get a significant other. Nor do you need to subject yourself to individuals who are annoying, hurtful or unhelpful. But a supportive system of family and friends is needed. If people offer gestures of help, try to be gracious. Don't push them away even though you really don't feel like being around anyone. 

        In the early phases of your grief, do not refuse to ask for help with the myriad of daily tasks that present themselves like mountains to climb. Everything from just someone sitting with you, to meal preparation, to laundry to walking the dog and grocery shopping. If people hadn't come forward for me and prepared food and gone grocery shopping, I think I would have would not have eaten.

        Once you accept the help of a few people, it builds a network for the future should you need it. I can't emphasize the importance of this enough. Being with people forces us to find inner strength and realize we can carry on. This flame of strength carries on for longer and longer periods of time and gradually you will get stronger. You will still find alone time to grieve, but that is not all you should do, even if that is all you feel like doing. If you are a person of faith, I recommend prayer when alone, even if you have to express anger at God at times. 

         Be not afraid. God or your Higher Power is always with you even though you may feel abandoned. Tell Him how you feel. If you are lonely, despairing, angry, distraught, say so in your prayer.  Family and friends are beside you. They may not know what to say or how to say, but mostly have good intentions. None of us can handle the loss of our child alone. All of had to and still have to reach out for support and guidance. Be not afraid.