Saturday, May 9, 2020

Mother's Day Modified

     I started writing this blog in a funk, but ended on a high note. I suppose it is true, "Necessity is the mother of invention," when it comes to creativity. This Mother's Day needed to be modified here to take in feelings of bereavement as well as lockdown regulations.

     For me and for those of you reading this who have lost children, Mother's Day is a difficult holiday. Wishes for a "Happy Mother's Day" though well intentioned kind of cut because for us, how can the day be happy. I feel I should be running to the cemetery instead of getting ready to go out somewhere with family. Well that's the truth.

     However, if you have living children, it is time for a brave face if you can manage it for your children's sakes. I think if you are not newly bereaved, and feel you are able to celebrate within the scope of the lockdown, then do it. No need to feel guilty enjoying yourself. Nowhere is it written you need to feel miserable the rest of your life because you have lost a child. The last one who would want this is the child you lost.

     Your day need not be bitter with thoughts of loss. Here are some suggestions of what to do:
1) Rekindle living memories. Look at photos today to bring back memories for tomorrow; 2) Using Zoom or some other virtual site, have a celebration dinner or cookout at each child's house. Mom can go to one house or house to house. Have a toast to the deceased child; 3) Take a single file walk along a park trail or beach. Each child bring a picture of the deceased child with him or herself and give as a gift to Mom; and 4) Have a parade of cars go by Mom's house with flowers and favorite take-out food, enough for several days. 

     These are just some ideas to brighten your Mother's Day and and include your missing child too. As I have no other children, I think I will spend a quiet day reminiscing with some photos. I will have dinner with my companion and propose a toast to Chris' memory.

     This Mother's Day has released a torrent of emotions for me. Today is the anniversary of my own mother's death 40 years ago. I look upon it with mixed emotions as she was an emotionally abusive mother to me and particularly my sister. I know now she had a borderline personality disorder. I work at forgiving her and pray for her soul. It is not easy to forget many things, but we have to live the life we get. Do I wish things had been different? Yes, but only because I think I might have been a better mother. So it is a double whammy of a weekend for me, but hey the weather is sunny and beautiful. As always, I will come out the other side. Until next week.

     Have the best Mother's Day you can have. God grant you peace and strength.

                                       "Keep your face toward the sunshine----
                                         and the shadows will fall behind you."
                                                                                  Poet Walt Whitman

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