WHAT HAS HAPPENED?

                                 "Do not pray for an easy life, but pray for the strength to get                                                                                          to get through a difficult one."  Bruce Lee

What has happened? Unprecedented violence, evil and hatred abound. The number of grieving parents keeps growing daily. This has been especially violent week in the United States for young people and their parents and families. Seven university students were murdered in two separate incidents. No one arrested in either incident. A driver plowed through a class of 75 sheriff department recruits running in formation. The driver was released "so police could gather more information???" One recruit was killed, one suffered a limb amputation, several others were in critical condition, 25 total injured. An NYC high school paper published an article on the number of their fellow students killed or injured by gunshots on their way to and from school. More grieving and frightened parents and kids. Another night club shooting, thought to be a hate crime, with five persons killed and twenty-five injured. A little girl, in a Christmas parade, was killed in a freak motor vehicle malfunction.

Outside of the US, it is believed 437 children have died in war in the Ukraine. I am surprised the number is not higher. It must be very difficult to get an accurate number in all the devastation. This atrocity must end soon.

Another American young woman was on vacation in Mexico with some supposed friends. She was bludgeoned to death in her bedroom by one person, while another person watched. The "observer" then asked the huge sized attacker to give this petite woman a "chance to fight back." Meanwhile, someone else video taped the whole attack. Before very long, this vicious attack was making the rounds by the hundreds of thousands on all forms of social media and streaming services. 

I have three questions for anyone posting or re-posting this violent, sickening video. Do you think watching someone get helplessly beaten to death is a game or entertainment??? What if this young woman was your sister, cousin, child or good friend? Then what would your reaction be? If you could watch this, get some help. You are in need of counseling, a moral compass and God in your lives. You, obviously, do not understand the value and meaning of life--yours or anyone else's. And to the evil, heartless "friends" who watched her die and then went back to the US without a care, I hope you will soon be locked up in a Mexican jail. Don't look for criminal justice in Mexico. It does not exist. And say good-bye to  your parents when you get arrested. Something your friend never got to do. 

Sadly, more parents have joined our bereavement ranks. A group neither they or we ever wanted to be a part of. If any newly bereaved parents are reading this, I am so sorry for the loss of your child. I extend my sincere sympathy and condolences to you and your families. I know this journey of grief is one you never expected to take. It is a long and difficult road. Please know I and others are here for you in the bleak days ahead. You will not believe or understand this now, but you can get through this by choosing to do so. I beg you, do not let your horrendous loss destroy you.

Your life still has meaning. Others still love you and need you. You still have a life ahead. It will never be the same life. But, it can be a meaningful life once again. You do not see that today, but I and many others, hope and pray you will get there. That you can possibly find a way to prevent others from dying in the manner your child may have. 

My 23 year old son was also tragically shot and killed. His ex-girlfriend did not render him any aid. She lied to the EMT's. Told them my son was a drug overdose. His toxicology screen was clean. She new that because he did not use drugs. The EMT's claim her reason given delayed them. He did not get the help he needed when he needed it. But, she was the daughter of the Mayor of a nearby city. So, no accountability or justice. I have had to swallow several bitter pills. God sees all. She and her father and those involved in this cover-up will get divine justice. My faith, my pastor and the help of four excellent friends got me through to this point. 

Violence is out of control in the US. I recently heard a police spokesman say, that in less than two years, homicides have doubled in the US. That only one-half of homicides are solved. No justice for the other victims and their parents and families. That is extremely alarming. He blamed the spike in homicides on the overwhelming number of ILLEGAL PISTOLS that exist now in the US. 

In the largest city near me, homicides are at an all time high. Robberies and assaults have doubled. Car jackings have more than tripled to an all time high with car owners assaulted. Small children are inadvertently abducted as the criminals speed off with the cars. No one is safe. People are afraid to leave their homes, take public transportation to work or school, get gas or shop for food and clothing.

It is no secret that this blog is spiritually based. Because of my faith, my belief in God and my religious practices all giving me strength and determination, I have survived the loss of my son. My survival, in turn, has allowed me to tell all of you about my experiences with my grief and how I got through it.

Yesterday in a discussion with someone, I was told my beliefs in the power of God and religion are "irrational thoughts." I hope this person reads the above incidents and the following statistics. He expressed a desire for people to have a moral compass and treat each other kindly. I fear that ship is quickly sailing away. I expressed the belief that this was unlikely to happen. Unlikely, because the number of people who believe in God or a Higher Power and attend religious services keeps decreasing.

June 2022  The number of Americans who do not believe in God is 17%, the highest since 1944.

Dec. 2021  Gallup 47% of Americans belong to a House of worship; 53% do not belong

         2021  39% of Americans do not believe religion is important, influenced by demographics & politics

         2021  Pew---only 25% of Americans attend religious services regularly.

         2022  56% of Americans either do not believe in God or that religion is important.

And here we are. We wonder why young people have lost the meaning and value of life, as well as, hope. Hope in God's grace or a Higher power to get them through the stresses and difficulties in their young lives. To be a source of comfort even when family is not. To understand the importance of right and wrong. Why they need to respect themselves and others. Why they need to understand violence in real life is not a video game. People can and do get seriously injured, even die, when assaulted, stabbed or shot. They will not just jump back up like in a game or movie. Also, real time videos depicting violence are very painful to parents, families and friends. 

I believe, we as a society, have to do more to spread the good Word in an effort to turn things around. Churches, synagogues, mosques, and other houses of worship have to do more to make attendance at services desirable, meaningful and valuable. Plus, assure the safety of children attending services or religious schools. Churches must speak publicly about past scandals and the means taken to correct them. The increased violence, social media and harmful ideologies existing now are not working for kids, their parents, their families, houses of worship and public safety. The time is here to protect kids, parents and families from physical, emotional and spiritual harm.

                                                           "Give yourself to the Lord;                                                                                                                                 Trust in Him and he will help you."                                                                                                                                    Psalm 37: 5

May you all be safe, well and comforted in the Lord God.

Love, Rosemarie

If anyone has feelings of wanting to die or harm yourself, call 988 or 911 immediately for help.

WEARINESS

Weariness comes with any loss, especially the loss of a child. Or even re-visiting that loss in times of trouble. Somehow weariness descends as a dark cloud that surrounds us. To those of us who have experienced weariness, we know that even the smallest task seems like trying to climb a mountain. Doing anything requires great effort from energy that is just not there. We wonder, what is wrong with me? When will this end? What should I do? I have found there are some simple steps to get started combatting our weariness.  

I find it has helped me not to be alone so I don't spend the whole day in bed. It helps to set a couple of minimal tasks each day. Open some mail. Make a couple of phone calls that need to be made. Read a few pages from a book. Respond to a couple of emails. Watch a favorite podcast. Check out a video. Do some deep breathing exercises. Read the Bible, some of your favorite verses. Listen to relaxing music or spiritual music.

It does not help to sit in one spot all day. Or to hide in the closet. A favorite of mine. Or to not take any phone calls. Another favorite. Or not eat. Eat something even if it is junk. It still counts as an activity. Or prepare simple meals---a protein and simple salad. Or get take-out delivered. Do a few items of laundry if a whole load seems like too much.  Write down how you are feeling each day. Spelling and grammar do not count. Writing also helps to see progress made. List what you do each day. Do a paint by number. Get a plant. Ask for help from someone who has been there for you in the past. Who is reliable. Speak to a professional grief counselor. Go to a support group. Take a short walk outside. Go to a nearby park to sit and watch nature. Play with your pets. Consider getting a dog, a cat, a bird or a couple of goldfish. See your doctor to make sure there is no physical problem.

And pray your energy will return. All things pass. But it requires a little effort to make that happen. Very minimal effort to get the ball rolling. Do just one thing and the next day, two things and so on. Something just to get started. Ask a friend to go with you to get you hair cut or styled and colored. Get your nails done. Ask a neighbor or friend in for coffee or tea. Just put out some cookies. Chances are they will bring something. Going out or having someone in will motivate you to shower and dress. Comb your hair. Shave your face or trim that beard. Even get rid of the dishes piling up in the sink. Try to make the bed each day so you feel more like getting dressed. And less like going back to bed.

We can get through this weariness. We can be part of the world again. We can have a life again. Not the same life, but still a satisfying life. I know that might not be want we want right now. We want our child back, but that is not going to happen. Even so, I know it is possible to make it back. Bit by bit. Remember, there are others who need us. We can pray to our deceased children to help us find peace, strength and courage to get through what has happened. Try inching forward to find a way to journey this road through grief. It is not a straight road. There are detours, but it is not insurmountable. Even if it looks that way today. Live in the moment. One the day at a time. Thinking too far ahead with a negative mind frame does not help.

Most important----We must remember who and what remains in our lives. I am going through a rough patch now, but everyday I thank God several times a day for the blessing my new husband has been to me. I stay in touch daily with my sister who is not in the United States. And with her son, my nephew, who was close to Chris, and lives in another state.

I thank God for my home and my warm bed. I thank God for the people who have helped me in the past and who are reaching out to me now. God bless them. I thank God I am able to write to all of you to help you through the terrible loss of your child. I have made it out and seen the other side. I have taken a detour down a dark tributary right now. I have no doubt I will make it out again. We do not know what good can come to us in the future. I never expected I would re-marry to such a good man.

Life has it downs, but also it ups if we are patient. Getting through grief is a choice in which we need to be an active participant. It is not easy. Just start slow. We pray to God to care for our children in heaven and to help us now.

                                         "The Lord is near to all those who are discouraged,                                                                                          He saves those who have lost all hope."  

                                                                   Psalm 34: 18

Be assured of my prayers for all of you.                                                                                                            Love, Rosemarie

If anyone has thoughts of harming themselves or ending their lives, please call 988 or 911 to get help.

SUICIDE WATCH

The suicide watch is my own, unfortunately. I don't want to harm myself. My spirit to go on has left me. I am asking God to take me home. It is just so hard and painful to go on. I feel I have suffered enough. Seeing my dear stepson, Dale, become paralyzed has just been too much. As I said earlier, it brought me back to a very dark place I had not realized I would have to grapple with again. It is true the only constant in life is change.

I feel very guilty for my wish to leave my earthly life when millions of both adults and children are ill, injured, abused and starving, yet, fighting to go on. Fighting my own cancer while my husband was so ill, my son being tragically killed and then my husband dying six weeks later all within 21 months time, I am told left me with PTSD--post-traumatic stress syndrome. The inner affliction of depression has always been a part of my life since my early twenties. The two have joined forces and reared a combined ugly head in my mind and heart.

The only constant throughout my husband's long and diminishing illness and those terrible 21 months was my dear little dog, Amber. She was always an undemanding comfort to me. A few nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night. I started to sob because I needed Amber there to comfort me. I wanted, desperately, to see her, touch her, pet her, smell her, hear her breathe and sigh. Watch her listen as I talked to her and each time wag her tail when I would stop talking. Then we would repeat the pattern. I miss her funny antics. I wanted to be with her again. I put her photo in bed with me. I know she is in heaven with Chris and Fred. I ask them all the time to take good care of her. And Chris not to tease her. They had a sibling rivalry thing.

I miss Amber so. I know if she was here, I would feel better. But she is not and here I have been miserable for several days. Pope St. John Paul II said he believed dogs have souls. I believe they do. Some people believe in channeling. That the spirit of a dog, even a child, can come back in another dog and another child. I am not sure of that. God creates each soul for a His divine purpose. I don't think He recycles them. Another child or dog can come into our lives who very much reminds us of a late child or dog. I believe that is by God's design because He knows what we need. He created human procreation and He created dogs because He cares for us. 

I wish I could get another dog who would be a little like Amber. But I live in a third floor condo, where only very small dogs are allowed. I am not really attracted to tiny dogs with very big personalities and yappy barking. I have neighbors on either side and downstairs. New hubby is not really a pet person. He would have to walk Fido due to my back problems. I walk with a cane, feel unsteady and can't really exercise or walk a dog outside. So I am kind of between a rock and a hard place. I would need a small older dog. Maybe if I can find one, hubby will give in. It makes me feel better thinking about getting a dog.

Once again I will have to make the difficult choice to go on or let this unanticipated terrible event destroy me. I know, somehow with faith and courage, I walk down this difficult, dark tributary and emerge on a brighter side of my journey. Even though it doesn't feel that way now. I have professionals I can turn to for help. Please, God, help me to feel better soon. Thank you. 

                            "Even though I walk through the darkest valley....you are still with me... "                                                                                                                                        Psalm 23:  4

                                    "...I will hold tightly to your hand, for you will keep me safe                                                                                                while I struggle to find joy again."                                                                                           From "Prayers in Times of Suffering" by Sister Joyce Rupp, OSMS

If you have feelings of wanting to harm yourself, end your life or that others would be better off without you, please call 911 or 988 immediately 24/7. 

Please pray for me.                                                                                                                                      Love, Rosemarie