Although I wrote about this topic in October 2022, the world has reached a very volatile state with more dangerous weapons and squabbles among allies. Wars now rage in both the Middle East and in Eastern Europe. Many countries are on edge. There have been deaths of entire families with young children killed or abducted. And many deaths among young adults who were hostages or members of the military. Fears of further escalation mount.
Whether as an intended or unintended casualty of war in battle, the loss of a child is still the loss of a child. The biggest questions are: "Why did this war happen?" "How did my child die?" "Did my child suffer?" "Could my child still be alive?" "When will this fighting end?"
These casualties are heavy and unbearable worries for which, most times, there are no answers. We, as parents, can pray for an end to these wars, for the return of our children, or the return of their remains to honor them in death. Be assured the world prays with all affected parents in their grief and worry. Prays God or your Higher Power will sustain you in your loss. A just God understands your pain, loss, anger, hatred and desolation. He knows you are sleepless, not eating, crying, pacing and wondering if He sees you. He does.
A friend, always says to me, "God sees everything." Only our Higher Powers can sort through these earthly disasters to come to a solution. To hold you up in your tremendous sorrow. To point the way for a journey to strength and peace.
Write down each day what you are thinking and feeling. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, punctuation. You are not being judged on your narrative skills. Write down your memories of your child. How proud you were of him or her. Their hobbies, favorite foods, birthday parties, special personality traits, their struggles and achievements. This is their's and your special life story. Keep it in a safe place. When dark thoughts come, and they will, remember what you wrote about your child. Read over your writings for sustenance.
You are embarking on a long journey you never wanted to or thought you would take. God is always with you so you are not alone. Try to find others with the same losses. Veteran groups and the internet are some ways to find support groups. It is very important to talk with other parents going through the same grief. Pray. Pray. Pray. Fight injustices. Attend religious services and support groups. Be realistic about who and what will help you. If the front door is barred, go through the back door or a window. Justice can be elusive.
You can survive, but you can't do it alone. You need God or your Higher Power, a support or veteran's group and one good friend or family member who will listen to you and support you. Sitting alone on the sofa or refusing to leave the house will not return you to a productive, yet different, life. There is no going back. Moving forward is your only choice to complete your mission and make your child proud.
"But I am in pain and despair; Lift me up, O God, and save me." Psalm 69: 29
Blessings, peace and strength to you. Love, Rosemarie
If you have thoughts of harming yourself call your country's emergency number immediately! In the United States, call 911 emergency or 988 suicide hotline immediately.
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