"TAKE ME HOME"

 I recently spoke to a woman who lost two adult children. She now cares for an ill husband. She says every night before going to sleep she prays to God to "take her home." This sentiment and prayer are very familiar to me, and perhaps, many of you. As I aged and dealt with a plethora of health problems, I went through a patch where I prayed the same prayer.

I wanted to see my son, late husband and dear dog, Amber. The grief, that is alway pricking our minds, spirits and bodies, was overcoming me because of so many health challenges. Probably, many grief and stress related. I felt done. I felt I had given enough. I had no more to give. No further purpose. No more energy to go on. I just wanted the peace of their embrace and peace of mind and body.

Luckily, life intervened. I did not want to leave my husband alone without me. Then I started feeling the presence of spirits coming to me. Perhaps something similar has happened to you while awake or in a dream. Oddly enough it was my aunt, whose sone had committed suicide, who came to me. I still feel her presence. Like she is on my shoulder. 

I close my eyes and I feel many spirits. My son, another cousin, my father. I had the feeling they were holding me up. Giving me strength and energy to go on until God deigns it my time to go. Close your eyes and see who immediately comes to mind. That is who is helping you survive.

We are all in the hands of God or our higher power until He calls us home. It is not something, no matter how tempting, we are supposed to decide. I have a very good friend whose father was in his nineties. As she would fuss over him even though he was amazingly independent, he would say, "When the Man upstairs wants you, that's it."

Destiny placed us here, but God decides when it is our time to return. We can interfere with our own destiny with suicide or dangerous, risky lifestyles. But who are we to interfere with God's plan? 

We have lost our children, but God still has a plan for us. It is now our destiny to find our new purpose in life. It takes courage to stay the course. Life is neither fair nor easy for anyone. We have been dealt a heavy blow. Now it is up to us to accept this blow. To find meaning and purpose. To help other parents or kids who are struggling with the grief of losing a child or sibling.

"But I am in pain and despair; Lift me up oh God and save me."  Psalm 69 :29

Love and God's blessings on all of you, Rosemarie 

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, call your country's emergency number.       In the United States call 988, suicide prevention hotline, or call 911 emergency number.