FORGIVENESS

     I always admire parents, whose child was killed by foul play, who forgive their child's killer. Well, they are a better parent than I, because I have not been able to do this due to the persistent lies and denial. Lawyers and private investigators have told me they strongly suspect one individual in Chris' death. And it appears political influence was exerted on the medical examiner and county solicitor in failing to fully investigate my Chris' very suspicious death. 

I discussed this with my Pastor who told me "forgiveness can take a lifetime." The holy seasons of Easter and Passover are upon us which would seem the perfect time to forgive. I was inspired by Pope Francis' Easter Vigil homily in which he said that,"With the Risen Christ, the Evil One has been defeated... regardless of what evil remains in the world."

Whoever has wronged us as parents or done harm to our precious children, God has taken care of or will take care of.  A good friend of mine always says to me, "God sees everything." There is no need for revenge and hatred. Of course, there should be justice through our courts. But if that is denied, the "court of heaven" will take care of it.

It occurred to me not to chase so hard at finding forgiveness, but rather, in time with prayer, let forgiveness catch up with me.  Eventually we all, whether moral  or immoral, will face Divine Justice. So during our earthly existence we are assured we can, "Give it over to God" to judge and remedy. 

That is what I have done. Recently praying to St. Jude to intercede with God to find truth and justice for Chris. Perhaps some of you are in a similar predicament. It may help you to do as I have done even as you may pursue you child's death through the courts, civilly or criminally. 

For a long time I struggled with not forgiving myself. I blamed myself for the circumstances of Chris' death. With prayer and spiritual and clinical counseling, I managed to overcome this. But it was not easy. Forgiving oneself is the most difficult. Guilt is a cruel master.

Forgiving those close to us for some perceived wrong can be challenging. This is a good season to try to reach out and attempt to resolve issues. Again, pray on it for wisdom and charity and "Give it over to God." Someone has to be the bigger person. Let it be you. More than ever, we need the support of family and friends. Denying ourselves hurts us the most.

"The Lord rules over the deep waters; he rules as king forever. The Lord gives strength to his people and blesses them with peace."  Psalm 29: 10-11

Wishing all a blessed Passover and Easter season. May all our prayers be answered.

Love,

Rosemarie

GRIEF, SADNESS OR DEPRESSION

     Grief, sadness or depression are all associated with the loss of a child. Which are you experiencing? Can you experience them all at the same time? Yes. Or separately? Yes. But, by definition, all three are different.

Grief is a profound deep, sorrow that is experienced by a significant loss such as the death of a child.

Sadness is when one's spirits are low and there is little pleasure in doing usual fun activities. To me, sadness after the death of a child, means feelings of wistfulness when recalling happy memories of time spent with your child. Even wanting to avoid those same activities to avoid sad memories. Or feelings of regret over how you handled daily events in your child's life and wishing you had done things differently. 

Depression is a completely flattened and overwhelming loss of mental and physical vitality. Being unable to care for yourself, much less your family. Being unable to even consider returning to work. Wanting to give up. To no longer live. Thoughts of even harming yourself to end your so painful existence.

We can bounce back and forth among these three states or feel them all at the same time. I briefly bounced back and forth until I hit rock bottom at feeling I no longer had a reason to live with my both my son and husband gone. That's when I sought the help of a grief counselor. Went on antidepressants. Gave my opioid pain killers to my pastor for safe keeping to be metered out in small doses as needed.

I believe we never really get over grief. We just learn how to live with it and move forward with a smaller rock on our backs. We can stand without falling over. I still have those moments of sadness and wistfulness when going to the cemetery. Recalling happier moments with Chris. Looking at old photos. Recalling who he was as a person and dreaming of missed milestones.

I do get depressed particularly when challenged with unrelenting health problems. I start to think God has asked too much of me. I can't go on. So I continue in regular counseling and take anti-depressants.

If you are depressed to the point of wanting to harm yourself to end your life, YOU NEED IMMEDIATE HELP!!! CALL 988 0R 911 IN THE US OR YOUR COUNTRY'S EMERGENCY RESPONSE NUMBER OR SUICIDE PREVENTION HELPLINE. GET HELP RIGHT AWAY!!!! Tell whoever answers, you are seriously depressed and thinking of taking your own life. Ask for help right away to get to a hospital. Responders have been trained how to deal with this and get you and your situation. You will have done the right thing. Help will come. You will not be alone. 

"God bandages the wounds he makes; his hand hurts you and his hand heals.  Time after time he will save you from harm;"  JOB: 18-19