GRIEF, SADNESS OR DEPRESSION

     Grief, sadness or depression are all associated with the loss of a child. Which are you experiencing? Can you experience them all at the same time? Yes. Or separately? Yes. But, by definition, all three are different.

Grief is a profound deep, sorrow that is experienced by a significant loss such as the death of a child.

Sadness is when one's spirits are low and there is little pleasure in doing usual fun activities. To me, sadness after the death of a child, means feelings of wistfulness when recalling happy memories of time spent with your child. Even wanting to avoid those same activities to avoid sad memories. Or feelings of regret over how you handled daily events in your child's life and wishing you had done things differently. 

Depression is a completely flattened and overwhelming loss of mental and physical vitality. Being unable to care for yourself, much less your family. Being unable to even consider returning to work. Wanting to give up. To no longer live. Thoughts of even harming yourself to end your so painful existence.

We can bounce back and forth among these three states or feel them all at the same time. I briefly bounced back and forth until I hit rock bottom at feeling I no longer had a reason to live with my both my son and husband gone. That's when I sought the help of a grief counselor. Went on antidepressants. Gave my opioid pain killers to my pastor for safe keeping to be metered out in small doses as needed.

I believe we never really get over grief. We just learn how to live with it and move forward with a smaller rock on our backs. We can stand without falling over. I still have those moments of sadness and wistfulness when going to the cemetery. Recalling happier moments with Chris. Looking at old photos. Recalling who he was as a person and dreaming of missed milestones.

I do get depressed particularly when challenged with unrelenting health problems. I start to think God has asked too much of me. I can't go on. So I continue in regular counseling and take anti-depressants.

If you are depressed to the point of wanting to harm yourself to end your life, YOU NEED IMMEDIATE HELP!!! CALL 988 0R 911 IN THE US OR YOUR COUNTRY'S EMERGENCY RESPONSE NUMBER OR SUICIDE PREVENTION HELPLINE. GET HELP RIGHT AWAY!!!! Tell whoever answers, you are seriously depressed and thinking of taking your own life. Ask for help right away to get to a hospital. Responders have been trained how to deal with this and get you and your situation. You will have done the right thing. Help will come. You will not be alone. 

"God bandages the wounds he makes; his hand hurts you and his hand heals.  Time after time he will save you from harm;"  JOB: 18-19