Grief Takes Courage

     There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone's grieving process is different. Nor is there a time table for grief. Sadly though, there is reality and the demands of living that intrude upon the grieving process and jolt you back to numbly performing tasks.

     You have lost a child and are falling apart. Yet you have other relationships---a marriage or significant other, children, a job, a home to be maintained and daily chores. Yes, get as as much help for as long as you can. Eventually, though you will be "expected" to return to "normal" whatever that is after losing a child.

     So begins your double life. Trying to smile on the outside---pretending everything is all right while you have this tremendous hole in your heart. I know from experience you would much rather isolate yourself from the world and be left in peace to mourn your child, to cry, to visit the cemetery and to sit and be alone with your memories. Would that it could be so.

     This is where you have to muster all your courage and it is courage to go on with your life. After My son died, I took as much time as I could from work, but out of necessity had to return. I continued to work for two more years after my son and husband died until I retired.

     I'd like to tell you a story to illustrate my point about courage. I worked for a very large urban school district as a school nurse mainly in high school with high risk teens for 24 years. At my retirement luncheon my principal, a former National Football League player who played for the New England Patriots, remarked that it took courage to play professional ball. He went on to say it took real courage after what I went through to come into work everyday and do it with a smile no less. How much those words touched my heart and remain with me today.

     So I salute you my fellow parents who are managing to do the same and not realizing how truly courageous you are. How proud your children must be of you. You have come a long way

     For you parents whose loss is more recent and still not getting out much or returning to work, you may need to give it more time. It may just be too soon for you. You will sense when the time is right. If it has been several months and you are not able to get out, cope with daily routines, family responsibilities or work and you are not in a support group or receiving professional counseling, I urge you to seek help. This is not a journey to go alone.

     May God grant us all courage and strength.