Were You a Good Enough Parent?

     Pediatrician Donald Winnicott has a theory that parents don't have to be perfect and that in fact it is better for the child if they are not. He subscribes to the theory that the "good enough" parent is good enough for the child and far better for their emotional development.

     Expounding on his beliefs, he goes on to say parents natural nurturing of children is what is good rather than the intrusion of substituting professional expertise. Along this line is the fear that children have to be protected from everything negative within you and within the world. Children have to understand that you are human and you have limits and the world has limits.

     Otherwise, Dr. Winnicott says the child would go on to live in a fantasy and not develop emotionally. He calls these limits the "good enough environmental provision." This fits into the recent discussions on self blame and self forgiveness.

     If you think you weren't a good enough parent for your now deceased child when he or she was growing up, maybe you need to re-examine this. If you think you didn't do enough to protect your child, maybe you need to re-examine this. If you think you didn't do enough when you child was ill, maybe you need to re-examine this.

     How high have you set the bar? None of us is perfect or super human. We cannot control the actions of others or be in two places at one time. Ask yourself were you good enough? Is it time to forgive yourself? I believe with all my heart your child understands and God understands.