Aftermath of the Worst Loss and Pain

     A conversation with a social worker friend of mine caused me to wonder how much I have changed since my son Chris died suddenly at he age of 23 under mysterious and violent circumstances.

     For lack of something better to call it, I think I definitely suffered from "compassion fatigue" soon after his death. I was in a general bereavement support group where people had lost elderly parents and elderly spouses which they were having difficulty coping with. I would think to myself these are natural losses to be expected. These people were so much better off than me because they still had children and grandchildren. Why weren't they counting their blessings instead of whining here?

     I wanted to scream at them, "Get over it! I lost a child! You want to know what pain is!" At that particular time, I couldn't relate to their pain when I believed I had suffered the worst loss and worst pain imaginable. I think I get no argument there.

     Needless to say, I did not stay in that group. I found another although general bereavement group with a spiritual agenda led by a nun with a degree in pastoral care. In the group were other parents who had lost children so the losses were more evenly dispersed. It is always important in groups to be able to relate to other people who have had similar losses and experiences to yours. If you are looking for a support group for only parents who have lost children, then I suggest Compassionate Friends.

     But I have to say my empathy is still with parents and children, cancer patients, the terminally ill, chronically ill, the plight of too many disabled and homeless military veterans and long-term caregivers. Maybe being actively involved in nursing for 49 years contributed to my fatigue. I have heard so many tragic stories and witnessed so many tragic events especially abused and neglected children. The neurotic and mundane fail to move me.

     You might think after what has happened to me, everything would move me, but it doesn't. Perhaps, I have had to become harder to preserve myself from my own pain. Or now I know as you do, dearest readers, what the worst pain is.

     May the Lord bring you His peace.