If you have lost a child, no matter the age or cause, I do not have to tell you just how hard life is. I had an experience a few nights ago. Recently I had a lumbar spinal fusion. I am supposed to avoid bending or twisting. Have you ever counted the number of things you drop in the course of one day? I was in my bedroom closet and struggling with something not going my way, when I broke down and had a little conversation with God.
I asked Him. Pleaded with Him. "Have I not suffered enough? I have had it God. It is time to come home to You. I am done with life." I listed all my travails with my health. Losing both parents within eight weeks of each other. Caring for a husband with a chronic illness for ten years. And finally losing a son and husband within six weeks of each other.
We all have our moments. When I was done my rant, a picture and presence of a tranquil Jesus, who was kneeling in prayer and light, came to me. I interpreted this to mean Jesus is always there for me. Will always help me. This gave me comfort. This was God's answer. I felt comforted and strengthened. Several times this week, I had to stop and recall that image. Renew my faith and say a short prayer.
Sometimes that is as much as we can do---go from moment to moment because grief has overwhelmed us. Grief brings anger, frustration, despair, hatred, revenge, helplessness, injustice. A full range of negative emotions. It is difficult to control some wounds of the heart. But, we must in order to to move forward eventually.
If you have read some of my previous blogs, you know I speak a lot about grief involving choice. We have to choose to overcome or envision ourselves stepping out of our despair. In other words, not let the loss of our children destroy us. It is a conscious decision we have to make when you realize these negative emotions will not allow you to resume living.
I am not saying forget what happened or you must forgive anyone responsible. What we must do is accept what has happened. Not to let the death of your child forever eat you up with anger, hatred and despair. It is another spiritual dimension from asking "Why God? Why? Why did you let this happen?"
We need to take a big step up with courage to accepting the weakness of our humanity. Acknowledging to God, "I need your help, God, and I need it right now!" It's okay to tell God you are angry at Him for what happened. Then ask Him how to get through what has happened? How to go from tragedy to remembering better times? How to find a way to honor your child? How to find a way to help prevent other children from the same fate?
Consider donating to research. Help groups who support deceased military and law enforcement members. Help others as you help yourself by joining a support group for parents who have lost a child through suicide, drugs, MVA involving alcohol, cancer, homicide. Advocate to get a stop sign or traffic light installed where your child was killed by contacting local officials, attending council meetings. Ask someone to help you by looking up on the internet groups and methods appropriate to your loss.
Although time helps, grief does not go away, magically, by itself. By sitting alone day after day on the couch. By hiding in the closet. By denying anything happened.
Grief is an introspective, interactive and, I believe, a spiritual process. I found I had to meet with people who had experienced the loss of a child as well. And, also, turn myself over to a higher power. To have faith in God. To others, have faith in Yahweh or Allah.
You can get through the loss of your child. You can go from despair to finding living and purpose once again.
"God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble." Psalm 46: 1
If you (or a family member or friend) have any feelings of wanting to harm yourself or ending your life, call 988 or 911 for help immediately.
Peace, hope and love,
Rosemarie
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