"WHY DOES GOD HATE ME?"

"Why does God hate me?" I have asked God why he hates me in many moments of despair and anger When I lost my good son who did not deserve such a violent death and under suspicious circumstances. When my dear husband suffered from a chronic illness and died at age 57 six weeks after our son died. When I was battling breast cancer. Chemo was the worst. Plus, five breast surgeries. Through four spinal surgeries. Through recovery from the rare Stevens Johnsons Syndrome. Pain most of my adult life from atypical trigeminal neuralgia from a dental injury. Now battling fibromyalgia with days of pain and/or exhaustion. Even my Pastor said, "We have been through a lot together over the years." 

There are times when I want to give up. When I feel God is not on my side.  No doubt with the loss of your own sweet child at whatever age, from whatever cause, you have despaired with anger. You have asked God, "Why do you hate me, God? What have I done to deserve this?"

Or you have bargained with God to do better in your life. To not do this or that. To do good in order to prevent your child from dying. Then he or she died anyway. You got angry at God. Felt he hated you because despite your promises to him, your child died. Somehow his or her life was not meant to be.

Father Joseph Wolfe of EWTN Catholic television assures God knows us and loves us through our anger and despair. He knows us just as he knows every speck of sand. Even if we hate him, he waits patiently for us to return to him. To love him again. He understands our grief, our loss, our complete devastation. And that in our anger we blamed him for our child dying.

As I have said before, our children dying is part of our human condition on earth. We do not have perfection in this life. Bad things happen to even good people. God sees all. He waits for us to return in our time. Helps us to find the words to explain to him why we were angry and despaired of his love and caring. For our absence until we realize we need him again.

God often sends something or someone to help us. Do not spurn God's love and surprising good ways. God sent me a loving, supportive, good man after I had been alone for 17 years. We eventually married. Now, unexpectedly, I have a very large, loving step family. My husband has six children with numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren. I could have never predicted this. I still have longing moments of missing Chris and Fred when I am with them. I wonder who these new people are and how and why I am there. Then I snap back wistfully. We play the cards we are dealt.

Open your hearts and minds to God's love. He has been there even though you have not. See how God can help you heal. See what he can help you accomplish. You were never hated or abandoned. "Be not afraid," is the most quoted phrase in the Bible. Come back to the table of God's love. "Draw near and listen to me," are God's words according to St. Luke

"The Lord is near the brokenhearted; he saves those who have lost all hope." Psalm 34: 18